INSPIRE US ST PATRICK

On this St Patrick's Day 2011,let us be inspired by Patrick's effort to rid Ireland of SNAKES,so that we might be driven to rid WASHINGTON of SNAKES. Democrat Snakes. Republican Snakes. Career Politician Snakes. Only then shall we gather,dressed in red,white,& blue,to celebrate the refreshing force we will have unleashed in America. Only then should we raise a glass to St Patrick for his inspiration. Only then will we have a real reason to become intoxicated Americans celebrating the fact that our nations capital is no longer a self-serving snake pit.
God bless St Patrick. God bless you. And God bless America! Happy St Patricks Day.

MARCH MADNESS

I can hear the TWO AND A HALF MEN theme "MEN" in my head. The urologists at the CLEVELAND CLINIC have released an interesting stat. Men getting vasectomies increase by 50% during MARCH MADNESS! The reason is these fellas want a few days off to watch March Madness BASKETBALL. A 50% increase in vasectomies timed to watch the big dance! At the risk of being doubted I read that DR RICHARD (Dick) CHOPPER in Austin,Texax affirms the March Madness vasectomies. If you doubt the doc with the perfect name for a Urologist,then research this story. You will find Dr Dick Chopper right in the thick of it.
All across the country,guys are filling out brackets and scheduling their snip snip. I guess if you're gonna do it anyway, why not do it now and take a few days off to enjoy some b-ball!

I BELIEVE I CAN FRY

I am the proud,proud,proud owner of a SUPER DELUXE PRESTO FRY DADDY PLUS!
What to have for supper?
French fries
Chicken fingers
French toast
Fried pickles
Fried ice cream
Homemade donuts
Catfish nuggets

Decisions,decisions!

HOW FAR WILL YOU GO

I have a friend who always said "define your boundaries". I found a collection of questions that test your limits. I dedicate these to a special lady, Dr Nower.
What do you want MOST right now?
What is your favorite store in the world?
What sin do you most enjoy committing?
What is the poorest you've ever been?
Who would you pick as President?
Whose thoughts would you most like to read?
What is the closest you've ever come to death?
What do you pray for most often?
What is the biggest surprise you've ever had?

I will blog MY answers shortly!

POKE THE POPE

One of the latest FACEBOOK members is none other than THE POPE! FB founder,or borrower,Mark Zuckerberg must be on Cloud 9! Isn't that where the Pope has a summer home? Lord forgive me.Yes you can friend Pope Benedict right now. Just do a friend search as he is probably the only Pope Benedict listed. Who will be the 1st person to "poke" the Pope?! How long now before the Pope starts to Tweet? I'm Baptist,but if I was Catholic I don't think I would want my Pope tweeting. I wouldn't even want my Priest tweeting. You don't see Billy Graham tweeting. The times are a changin'!

FATTY BOOMBALATTY

DON'T DO IT! YOU DON'T NEED IT! WHY WOULD YOU?! IT'S DEMONIC!
As I enjoy leftover Banana Puddin' from Captain Morgan's for breakfast,I'm preparing to go to Target and buy my first ever FRY DADDY! Believe it or not,I'm a Fry Daddy virgin. I've been preached to,nagged at,and lectured by friends.DON'T DO IT! I know their intentions are good,but now I may buy TWO! These "friends" tell me I will fry EVERYTHING for the first month. So what's the downside? I mean they are talking to a guy that fantasizes about PAULA DEAN. Butter is my buddy. A guy that eats leftover Nana Puddin' for breakfast. I can't wait to try chicken wings,catfish,hushpuppies,and Oreos in it! Not all at the same time of course. What do you think I am? Some kind of FATTY BOOMBALATTY!

THE CASE OF THE MYSTERIOUS CENSUS LADY

I've been embroiled in a mystery ever since she showed up at my door.The little old white-haired lady said she was a census worker and needed 30 minutes of my time. I told her it was bad timing to come back another day. She asked for my phone # so she could call ahead. After three tries,saying the # LOUDER&LOUDER,I gave up. Eventually Granny Census came back and left a note. She asked that I call her,BUT not while she was in class! Granny Census was 80 if a day. Wonder if she's in a sorority too?! My Facebook friends reminded me the census was over & the results released. They said it was a scam. Maybe she was a PI trying to get info. Maybe she was an escaped Bryce Hospital mental patient. Yes, I became paranoid. I am quite vulnerable to the power of suggestion. Long story short,she came back with an ax and tried to kill me! Just seeing if you were paying attention. I never got census info in the mail. Okay I never returned census info I got in the mail. I called the US Census Bureau and Granny Census was the real deal. Turns out she was supplementing her Social Security by doing "census follow-up". She was assigned my case file since I had not responded. I have a case file!? I have now filled out the forms and Granny Census is free to go to class.
Actually, I think the ax murderer story would have been a better ending.